From Dream to Design

From dream to design

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Normally Saturday mornings are Park Run days for me. I joined up in Adelaide as a way to make friends, and it's been a part of my routine ever since. Remarkably, the sun was out today, and it was actually still (almost unheard of in Te Whanganui-a-Tara, Wellington, in winter). Perfect running conditions.

But I didn't go.

Instead, I chose to walk the dogs with my dad.

Andrew and I go up and visit my parents reasonably often. They're only an hour up the coast, and my beautiful boy Hugo (a husky/lab cross who is essentially sunshine in fluffy white dog form) lives with them. One of my favourite things to do when we are up there is walk the dogs. However, recently, we have been going up on Friday nights, which means Saturday morning is a conflict between Park Run and a dog walk. One of my goals for this year is to get to 50 Park Runs, and I also want to increase my speed. Plus, I love starting the day with Park Run; it gets the exercise out of the way, gets my body moving first thing, is outside, and is such a satisfying way to start the weekend.

However, I've been thinking recently how much I miss walking the dogs with my dad. The valley and the native bush we walk in are a place of serenity; surrounded by native bush, listening to the gentle squeak of the pīwakawaka and the whoosh of the kererū's wings. I love watching the dogs race around, in their element. I love the peace that comes over me. And, I love the time spent with my dad.

Dad and I have a pretty good relationship, but there's something different about the conversations we have while we're walking than we do over coffee. At least, there is for us. Sometimes he'll reminisce about growing up in Northern Ireland and tell stories about his own father. Other times he'll talk about his volunteer work, or ask me about life and share his thoughts.

I often catch myself on those walks thinking:

This is exactly what I imagine heaven to be like.

Maybe it's partly because his sister died earlier this year, and I am more aware than ever that I will only have so many more opportunities to do this with him. Maybe I was just tired, or wanted to connect. Whatever it was, this morning I just felt like I needed to go for a walk with Dad and the dogs. To start the morning slowly, rather than pushing myself through a Park Run. I'm so glad that I did.

As I reflected on the morning, something clicked.

I was listening to a podcast this afternoon (The One You Feed—I really like it), and the host Eric was being interviewed about his book. He was talking about how we sometimes have competing values. I feel this very deeply; my value of freedom, and my value of love, which right now means living in Aotearoa with Andrew and my two step-kids.

It made me realise I'd experienced that same tension on a much smaller scale that morning. Another morning, I might well choose Park Run, choose to push myself and meet Mum and Dad for coffee afterwards, like we often do. Plenty of nights I weigh up squeezing in a workout or doing any one of the myriad other things on my list: dishes, catching up on work, brainstorming about the business.

Years ago my sister told me something Dad had said that has always stayed with me: if you're faced with two good choices, you can't make a bad one.

I come back to that often.

So often I get caught up in the idea of trying to make 'the right' choice, and yet, generally, if I'm being intentional, the choice will be right.

Life is a series of trade-offs. It's very rare that a single trade-off will make a lasting difference in our lives. However, habits stacking up, incremental savings, reps, etc., can make a difference.

That's why I don't think the goal is making the perfect decision every time. I think the goal is becoming someone who knows what matters to them.

I often talk about deciding in advance; not waiting for how we feel in the moment, but doing the work to know what matters to us, so that, when we're faced with a decision, we have at least got an idea of what will be in alignment.

I've been playing with this idea a bit recently and developed a visual I find helpful. I think of alignment (how well something lines up with my values and identity) as being along one axis, and impact (how much it moves me towards my 'dream life') as being on the other. Where alignment and impact are both high—that's what I've started thinking of as the Golden Circle. That's the best zone, the one I want to be in as much as possible.

That's also why I've been thinking so much about what I'm calling the Dream Life Project—thinking about what I want my life to look like in one, three, five, and ten years. Really imagining what I want that to look and feel like, with an overlay of the Wheel of Life (what would I love my relationships to look like? What would I love my career to look like? How would I want my environment to be?).

I'd genuinely love to know.

If you hit reply to this email, what's one thing you'd love your life to look or feel like in six months or a year's time?

I read every reply, and I'd love to hear what's been on your mind lately.

If you'd like a little help thinking through some of this, these are here for you:

10 Minutes to Reclaim Your Life If you haven't already grabbed this, it's a free worksheet built for exactly the moment you're probably in right now — busy, a bit overwhelmed, not sure where the time went. Ten minutes, a cup of tea, and a few honest questions. GET THE WORKSHEET 

Why You Feel Stuck (and What to Do About It) My free workshop is live — it walks through why this default-vs-intentional pattern shows up in the first place, and connects us back in with our values and what actually starts to shift the overwhelm (spoiler: it's not a better planner). WATCH THE WORKSHOP

Design a Life You Love — coming soon This is the deeper, 2-hour live version, where we go through the full VIP framework properly and you walk away with your own Personal Compass. Details and dates are coming very soon, so keep an eye on your inbox. 

Alignment Circle — applications open If you're ready for ongoing support rather than a one-off session, applications are now open for the Alignment Circle, my 6-month group container for women doing this work together. It will be a small, intimate group where we go deeper. together. We start in August. APPLY HERE

And if you want more to listen to, last week on Doing It Messy, I had a very frank conversation about the juggles of life and very much leaned into the idea of Progress over Polish. 

Then on Friday I talked about my (somewhat controversial) views on 'work-life balance'. 

Thanks so much for being here. It means a lot. 

Have a great week,

Ka kite,

Ruth